Cap’n Kamele is get­ting nos­tal­gic about his old days in the fleet and DJing cou­ple live sets at Fables By Bar­rie grand open­ing cel­e­bra­tion. This may turn out to be another appear­ance full of debauch­ery and match­ing outfits.

Kamele dab­bles in come live gui­tar dur­ing the set.

Kamele def­i­nitely plans on recre­at­ing the mix from the live set and dis­trib­ut­ing it out among the inter­net. Stay tuned for that.

Dr. M is sick and tired of the noise pol­lu­tion that occurs when you have hid­den your lab­o­ra­tory on the out­skirts of a city and right in the mid­dle of a low income res­i­den­tial area. Is it the high­way traf­fic, the air­port, trains, or buses? No. It is a scream­ing baby next door. But no mat­ter. Dr. M has devised a new device to help keep the screams away from his over­loaded ears. Dr. M introduces:

Keep­ing babies quiet since 2009!

Buy them for your­self and your loved ones. Just $29.99 + tax & S/H. Also by one for Dr. M’s neighbor’s.

The weather out­side wasn’t fright­ful, but the San­tas were so delightful.

San­tas gath­ered and an under­cover detec­tive doc­u­mented the deba­cle. The detec­tive never reported back for duty and the cam­era was later found in his aban­doned down­town apart­ment. The video is being restored and edited by our crack team of A/V spe­cial­ists. If you have video or pho­to­graphic evi­dence of a Santa sight­ing please elec­tronic mail it to Dr. M at changecolours@gmail.com .

<- Check out Part 1

Mov­ing on to the 80’s we almost have the basic foun­da­tion for the three types of vam­pires in major motion pic­tures. The “gang­ster” ones, the “sexy” vamps, and the cry­ba­bies. For the most part the clas­sic Drac­ula story has been twisted and man­gled so far that most vam­pires no longer wear suits as they switched to leather. No longer live in cas­tles but pop­u­late man­sions and sub­ur­bia. Even soon they will lose their main weak­nesses as you will have “day­walk­ers” and vam­pires that can sur­vive a stake through it’s black heart.

The 80’s and 90’s take on vampires.

It all started in a year made famous from a Smash­ing Pump­kins song. Although Count Orlock in this pic­ture kind of resem­bles Billy Cor­gan. The 80’s also fea­tured “Gayrac­ula” which from the title you could eas­ily tell that one is headed straight out of the closet and up to Hillcrest.

The most notable vam­pire movie of this decade would have to be “The Lost Boys”. Don’t agree? Well don’t worry it is just my opin­ion and means almost noth­ing! But I did even go as far as buy­ing the sound­track, in a time when you would actu­ally buy things like that. Funny that the sound­track was the best part of the most recent vam­pire movie.

But of course if you had enough of Mr. Suther­land there are plenty of excel­lent vam­pire movies with that corny / awk­ward 1980’s feel to it. Movies that included a young Nick Cage and of course that one movie with the cruel ele­gance of David Bowie.

On my vam­pire evo­lu­tion chart at the begin­ning of the first part these would more or less be the “Crazy” vam­pires. Espe­cially as we break into the 90’s when the mod­ern day grind­house broth­ers (Taran­tino and Rodriguez) make their own twist on the legend.

I remem­ber 1990 rather vividly, sadly I do not remem­ber Rock­ula. That will change soon, Thanks Net­flix. But I do hap­pen to remem­ber the orig­i­nal Buffy the Vam­pire Slayer which later got taken for a walk down mul­ti­ple tele­vi­sion sea­sons by Joss Whedon .

Samu­rai Vam­pire Bik­ers From Hell sounds like another great movie to add to my Net­flix. Then you finally have Inter­view with a Vam­pire. Which I believe ruined the clas­sic vam­pire. Leave it to Anne Rice to drain the testos­terone out of soci­ety. Luck­ily we have Wes­ley Snipes. Thank you Blade.

Remake after remake.. pussies and a sword wield­ing badass.

Now you had the start of Vam­pire remakes, spin offs, and trilo­gies. Appar­ently when you make one cool vam­pire movie you are oblig­ated to make two movies not as good as the first one.

You have Sub­species (which was straight to video qual­ity to begin with), From Dusk Till Dawn, Blade, Under­world, and Twi­light. With all of the first movies being good (except for twi­light as it was osten­ta­tious enough to be called a Saga after the first movie was released). Note that a saga is : “a long story of heroic achieve­ment”  cry­ing over a hot teenager and fill­ing the­aters full of tweens with sex­ual ten­sion is not very heroic.

Then as it gets to lunchtime and I am get­ting bored of writ­ing this. You have a lot of T&A filled movies like Blood­Rayne and Ultra­vi­o­let. For some real enter­tain­ment just get Les­bian Vam­pire Killers. I Am Leg­end is cool and fur­ther type cast’s Will Smith into “I’m a bro­ken man but I have some dark humor” role (Seven Pounds, Pur­suit of Hap­py­ness, etc).

Let’s see what else:

David Bore­anaz is you are a vam­pire (Angel) how are you so god­damn tan?

Edward if you are a bitch you prob­a­bly won’t get the girl anyways.

Day­break­ers looks like it is tak­ing the I Am Leg­end approach with a zom­bie vam­pire plague.

There are a bunch of Vam­pire TV shows out there that I haven’t watched. Should I?

Van Hells­ing kind of sucked but def­i­nitely used the T&A aspect of vamp movies.

They should make another Blade movie with­out pro­fes­sional wrestlers and come­di­ans try­ing to be action stars.

But if you do not want to beat around the bush (or maybe you do) you can catch this list of vam­pire movies (not safe for work!)  kind of like Lust for Drac­ula which will not leave you hang­ing and has no sex­ual tension.

Okay so after going over a cen­turies span of Vam­pire movies I even­tu­ally referred every­one to watch vam­pire porn movies. Did I just inval­i­date one hun­dred years worth of film in some twisted way or are we just perverts?

If you were actu­ally won­der­ing it is both.

Vampire’s have been in movies for just as long as there has been film’s pro­jected on the sil­ver screen. We will take you through a brief tour of the his­tory and evo­lu­tion of vam­pires and how the pro­gressed from Classy => Scary => Sleazy => Crazy => Vagina Faces.

Vam­pires from the early 1900’s

Three years before the turn of the cen­tury Bram Stoker wrote “Drac­ula” fur­ther pop­u­lar­iz­ing the vam­pire folk­lore. Since then over 170 tried (and suc­ceeded) in ruin­ing what he created.

Early silent film days pro­duced movies like “The Vam­pire” and “A Fool there was”. Now these vamp’s were the kind that you would head out to Vegas with, check into the Bel­la­gio, and have a night on the town. The start of the “classy” vampire.

Count Orlock in the Ger­man film Nos­fer­atu is prob­a­bly one of the great­est Vam­pires. Cross­ing the line between “classy” and “mutant” vampires.

All in all it was a very suc­cess­ful “unau­tho­rized adap­ta­tion” of Bram Stoker’s Drac­ula. But steal­ing story idea’s wasn’t the only thing the German’s were up to in the 1920’s.

Most of the copies of this film were destroyed and a few escaped to later be restored. Mas­sive destruc­tion and try­ing to escape Ger­many. This sounds all too familiar.

The 1930’s and 40’s pro­duced many adap­ta­tions of “Drac­ula” some were good and some were ter­ri­ble then oth­ers ter­ri­ble but in a good way.

In these years Drac­ula died and came back to life sev­eral times, had a kid, and then would live in count­less other movies.

It was not until the 60’s and 70’s would we see the evo­lu­tion­ary push towards more sex­ual and vio­lent vam­pire films.

The 60’s and 70’s saw the first major change in Vampires.

Next you would have Christo­pher Lee who became the next Drac­ula in the 50’s and sur­pris­ingly looks a lot like Chris­t­ian Bale on “Amer­i­can Psycho”.

After no one could really match Mr. Lee they decided to take the whole vam­pire genre, drop some acid, and see what came to mind. Here is what did:

• Les­bian Vampires
• Kung Fu Vampires
• Gay Vam­pires
• Red­neck Vampires
• Rock n Roll Vampires
• Zom­bie Vam­pires (ala I Am Legend)
• Vam­pire Tour Guide
• Andy Warhol’s Dracula
• Count Choc­ula Cereal came out in the 70’s
• Vam­pire themed porn
• Vam­pire Cowboy’s
• Vam­pire Dog’s

You can see two of the three mod­ern adap­tions of Vam­pires come from this genre. First you have my man Blac­ula who would be part of the Blax­ploita­tion film genre and would even­tu­ally evolve into Blade.

Next you have the two lovely ladies of Vampy­ros Les­bos who would even­tu­ally lead to the fact that you would either need beau­ti­ful women as Vam­pires or as Vam­pire hunters seen in later films and Tele­vi­sion series.

The last mod­ern type of Vam­pire which is the “vagina face” would solely be cre­ated by Tom Cruise and basi­cally brushes on the emo­tional woes of being per­ma­nently attrac­tive and immor­tal. Let’s eat birds for fun.

We will get into the leg­endary vam­pires of the 80’s as well is the more mod­ern inter­pre­ta­tions later in Part 2.

Santa’s, elves, and drunk­ards gath­ered around a cov­ered pool table at the Ruby Room on Sun­day to par­take in what one bystander said was “The great toy mas­sacre of 2009″.

These cacoph­o­n­ist caroler’s, these unholy hedo­nists, the naughty noel mak­ers cre­ated what they called “toys” for all the good boys and girls of the word. Lit­tle did every­one know that there were no more good boys or girls left as Santa Beast posted the naughty list on the door of The Ruby Room and it con­tained every­one. There is no “Nice” list. These toys were melted, maimed, mutated, and cut into pieces by a Neuro surgeon’s Dremel tool.

Moral was kept up in the sweat­shop by the con­stant flow of beer and whiskey to the sub­mis­sive elves. The beer was called “Vel­vet Merkin” which is a fit­ting name for what one elf attached to the crotch region of a muti­lated Bar­bie doll.

San­ta­Con is this Sat­ur­day. Come out and say “Ho HO RAWR!”

Santa’s helper’s have been naughty

Santa (aka Kris Kringle) known in San Diego as the “Jolly Red Marauder” just said that he is “Sick of the fuck­ing cold ass North Pole” and in between long swigs from an unla­beled whiskey bot­tle he con­tin­ues “Mrs. Claus is being a sore bitch, I think she is always on the rag… I’m just sick of it.”

Santa turns to find one of his many lit­tle elves (aka Santa’s Lit­tle Helpers) passed out. After a few swift kicks to the chest the elf rises up slowly and scam­pers off curs­ing under his breath.

This Sun­day Santa will be at The Ruby Room. Due to it’s very red theme and it’s avail­abil­ity of tall cans of Santa’s Blue Rib­bon with a Merry lit­tle shot of Whiskey. Santa has moved his work­shop to Hillcrest.

Since most of the elves are passed out drunk or try­ing to score at Flick’s it seems that Santa needs help mak­ing gifts for all the naughty boys and girls.

Gift cre­at­ing sta­tions include:

*Santa Beast’s Zom­bie stuffed ani­mal sta­tion where you can make cute ani­mals into hor­ri­ble zom­bies.
*The nefar­i­ous Dr M. has sup­plied some tools to “enhance” plas­tic and ceramic fig­ures which may resem­ble Bar­bie get­ting a nose job in Tijuana.
* Sac­ri­le­gious Santa will be up to no good help­ing out the evil Doc­tor and the deranged Hol­i­day Night Beast.
*Also fan favorite and local leg­end Piratey Santa may make an appear­ance if she is not pil­lag­ing and plun­der­ing else­where and she is not busy sit­ting on Santa’s lap will be help­ing gift wrap coal for all the naughty boys and girls.

It starts at Happy Hour (6pm) and ends when all the Santa’s Pass out.