Santa’s, elves, and drunk­ards gath­ered around a cov­ered pool table at the Ruby Room on Sun­day to par­take in what one bystander said was “The great toy mas­sacre of 2009″.

These cacoph­o­n­ist caroler’s, these unholy hedo­nists, the naughty noel mak­ers cre­ated what they called “toys” for all the good boys and girls of the word. Lit­tle did every­one know that there were no more good boys or girls left as Santa Beast posted the naughty list on the door of The Ruby Room and it con­tained every­one. There is no “Nice” list. These toys were melted, maimed, mutated, and cut into pieces by a Neuro surgeon’s Dremel tool.

Moral was kept up in the sweat­shop by the con­stant flow of beer and whiskey to the sub­mis­sive elves. The beer was called “Vel­vet Merkin” which is a fit­ting name for what one elf attached to the crotch region of a muti­lated Bar­bie doll.

San­ta­Con is this Sat­ur­day. Come out and say “Ho HO RAWR!”